The and then gave it back to me.

The day my grandpa died was the saddest day of my life. I felt like I died with him. This is because as a child, my father was never present in my life, but my grandpa had always been there. I was his only grandchild. He didn’t love many people, but I was his world. I spent every summer and every school holiday with him. Every time a thought of my grandpa crossed my mind, I got a warm sensation in my heart, but all that changed the moment I received the most devastating news that completely confused me; the news of my grandpa’s death.The last few months were the worst. He was so weak he couldn’t walk anymore. My mom and I would go visit him and my grandma every single day until he died. I would help him eat liquid foods, shave his face, and trim his nails. Most of the time he wasn’t really there, because he slept most of the time.I can still recall that fateful morning on Monday, May 9, 2016, at 3:00 in the morning. I was suddenly woken out of my sleep to my mom telling me that we had to leave now, because my grandma thought my grandpa was dead. At that moment, my heart sank. During the car ride to their house, I kept hoping my mom would drive quicker. All I could do was cry and hope that my grandma was wrong. As we headed towards their house, the memories of the happy times we spent together kept crossing my mind and as the thoughts kept appearing, I could not help but to feel extreme heartbreak as the tears kept flowing down my cheeks.Once we got there, I rushed to the room where my grandpa was sleeping. I felt his cold, greenish-blue, lifeless body and couldn’t believe it. All I could do was fall to the floor and pray for a miracle. It felt like someone ripped my heart out of my chest, stomped all over it, and then gave it back to me. The most painful part was I had lost a huge part of me and the world kept moving. He was gone. Just like that. My world got smaller. I felt so insignificant and so alone. Even though my grandpa has passed; he is always watching over me and I know he is proud of me. He is the reason for my hard work in everything that I do in school. I never want to disappoint him. To remember my grandpa, every day I sleep with a teddy bear that is filled with his ashes and a lavender sheet, which he died on. I also never take off a Pandora bracelet that he gave me as a Christmas gift. This is one of the few things I have left that he gave me, and wearing that bracelet is my way to always remember him. I love my grandpa and although I would be very happy to have him here on Earth with me, he will always have a place in my heart. He was my walking miracle. Sometimes the realization that my grandfather is gone comes when I least expect it. I will always miss him. I will cry when I graduate, go to college, get married, and have kids. I’ll cry because I know he would love to be here for these amazing milestones. I’ll cry because I know in my heart that he will be there with me. I’ll cry because even to this day, I still miss my grandpa tremendously. I remember my grandpa every single day. My grandfather was an amazing man. He was humorous, kind, and loving. Whenever I think of my grandfather, I think of my hero. He was bold, hard-working, and loved everything. Now that he is gone, I know he wouldn’t want me to focus on the heartbreak that I feel. He would want me to focus on my surrounding happiness. Even though I miss him, he’ll always live through me.

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